Having a day

One never knows what to expect during commute time in Los Angeles.

Easter Funnies

Monkey Business

Speeding Ticket

Got stopped for speeding the other day.
I thought I could talk my way out of it until the cop looked at my dog in the back seat.
A sign you might be driving too fast! (This didn't happen to me; I just thought this was funny.)

Evil Eye

Confession Advancements

With technology these days, our mode of managing life just seems to be speeding faster than ever. Moreover, with such advancements, so many wonderful things are happening. However, in the case below, it seems some things should just be left alone. :P

An Atheist

An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking, “'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!” Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Buy A Turkey You Can Handle

Thanksgiving in the U.S. is just a short couple of weeks away, so people begin preparing for the big feast that happens only once a year. Thought this little video might help in reminding everyone to keep their preparations in proper perspective.

Funnies

A Funny for Monday

~ Tough Love vs. Spanking ~

(a psychological conundrum)

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children,

so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have the one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son,

in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

A Friend

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Snotty Receptionist

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

Moral - DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS

Think Before You Ink

This guy had what he thought was a great tattoo...

until he wound up in jail. Now he's...

THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN PRISON

Humor to lift the mood

Salam,

This morning chatting with my bestest friend in the whole world, I got the sense she was feeling a little down today, so found some funny quotes to try and get her to laugh. With tears running down her cheeks and doubling over holding her stomach I gauged that as success.

I thought I'd share them here as well because maybe someone else is having the same type of day and just needed to be lightened up---if only for a brief moment in time, inshallah.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush