EGGCELLENT!

If you think setting up dominoes takes talent, take a look at this...

ONE SNEEZE AND IT'S 'SCRAMBLED EGGS'.

Latest on "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.


OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

(Perhaps this is where the expression "a face only a mother could love" came about.)

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...





ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road



JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

(Now who's the chicken here, John?)


NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

(Could you imagine waking up next to her-----shutter)


PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.






MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.




DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.


(Now, those are some uplifting thoughts.)



JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. (And they say Arabs are scary.......please.)

GRANDPA JONES:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.


(Grandpa Jones seems to be the brightest one in the bunch.)

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.


JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.





ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.






BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^<>C% ........ reboot.


ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?






BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?






AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!






COLONEL SANDERS (KFC):
Did I miss one?


(Spoken like a true Corporate CEO)



DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?


(Yes, Dick that seems to be your answer to everything.)


Rev. AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!


(Let it gooooooooooo Al.)

Latest Read

It's been awhile since I've posted any of the books I've been reading. Why? Merely because I've been too swamped to do much consistently.

Anyway, I'm about 3/4 of the way through this book "A New Earth" and have enjoyed every bit of it. It's certainly one of those books you don't read through in one night, as there's a great deal of content in it that requires one to really think.

To sum up this book in a real small nutshell it's regarding our egos, and how for the most part we live unconsciously aware of what and how our egos are causing us to respond to our daily lives. For until we bring our thoughts to a conscious level our egos remain in control. However, when brought to full conscious awareness of our thoughts, actions and reactions to any and all situations our responses a dramatically different.

Here's one little example of what was written in this book that I found interesting.

CARRYING THE PAST
The inability or rather unwillingness of the human mind to let go of the past is beautifully illustrated in the story of two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heaving rains. Near a village, they came upon a young woman who was trying to cross the road, but the mud was so deep it would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing. Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side.

The monks walked on in silence. Five hours later, as they were approaching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn't restrain himself any longer. "Why did you carry that girl across the road?" he asked. "We monks are not supposed to do things like that."

"I put the girl down hours ago," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

Now imagine what life would be like for someone who lived like Ekido all the time, unable or unwilling to let go internally of situations, accumulating more and more "stuff" inside, and you get a sense of what life is like for the majority of people on our planet. What a heavy burden of past they carry around with them in their minds.

Again, this is merely an except for the book; however, it seemed rather applicable with regards to the recently much debated post by our dear fellow blogger, Khalid.

Very passionate comments have been filtering through this post which was initially done on April 13, 2008 and 6 days later continue to be going strong. I'm just as guilty because I continue to follow this particular post daily to see what's been commented on next. However, I wonder how much of the past memories or wounds or ways of thinking are going to continue dominating this post? Of course we all have past stories, memories, etc., however, how long do we continue to hold ourselves captive by these thoughts and memories? When do we free ourselves from them and recognize them as such, thoughts and memories? How do we ever more forward in our own existence and acknowledge that the only time we have is right NOW? We cannot change the past---and more importantly why would we want to? It is what it is--the past. Moreover, if remain stuck in the past how is it ever possible to think our future can be any different than our past when we've never released ourselves from the past imprisonment? Furthermore, is there really a future? None of us know that answer, so it would seem silly to tell ourselves things like, "when I obtain "this" then I'll be happy". Our happiness can only be created from this very moment of existence, so why rob ourselves of that splendid gift that God is trying to give us. Is it not true, the moment we feel most connected to God is in the present moment? We cannot go back to yesterday for that moment and we can't hope that tomorrow we'll feel close to God---it's only right NOW.

So, pondering, how long will we continue to debate, discuss, and perhaps offend our fellow humans for the sake of making our points which seems to be based on the past?
Perhaps by mere nurturing nature I feel like collecting everyone up, embracing us in silence and for us to just breath in unison, so we can be right here, right NOW. (I know ---- over the top, right?)

Translation

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS STRICTLY MEANT AS HUMOR AND IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE OR DISCRIMINATOR.

Prepare now for the Beijing Olympics. Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese

That's not right! ---- Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive? ---- Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP ---- Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man ---- Dum Fuk
Small Horse ---- Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? ---- Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table! ---- Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift! ---- Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here! ---- Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet! ---- Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone! ---- No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week! ---- Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight ---- Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile ---- Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive ---- Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great ---- Fa Kin Su Pa

Tax Humor - April 15th

Well for those of us residing in the good ole U.S. of A. it's the dreaded Tax Day. In order to make the day a little less dreadful for those last minute filers, here's some Tax Day humor.

We need to change our National Anthem to "Deep in the Heart of Taxes."

No respectable person is in favor of nudity, but after paying taxes, some of us may not have any other choice.

After all is said and done, the politicians say it and the taxpayers do it.

Regardless of who wins the election they have to raise taxes to pay for the damage.

Ambition in America is still rewarded . . . with high taxes.

America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer.

Drive carefully. Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.

There is no child so bad that he/she can't be used as an income tax deduction.

One of the great blessings about living in a democracy is that we have complete control over how we pay our taxes . . . cash, check or money order.

Income taxes are not so bad and certainly could be worse. Suppose we had to pay on what we think we are worth?

Puppy Size

This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one with your loved ones and special friends)!

'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to This animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer.

'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.

'Puppy size!' replied the mother.

'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.'

'I know... we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration...

Just then Danielle came walking into the office

'Well, did you find one?' asked her Mom 'No, not this time,' Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the weekend?'

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed

'You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply,' the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her.

They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or we're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration.

'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, Mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look.

One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.'

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup.

The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!' She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'

'But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said.

'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said.

'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!'

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.

'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said

Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day.

They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. 'Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.'

Hope your life is filled with Sighs!!!

Interviews stink

Have you ever had an interview for a job, for admittance into a school, for a potential partner, or any other type of interview? How did the preparation for the interview feel? How did the actual interview being conducted feel? How did you feel after the interview awaiting an answer?

Interviews just stink in my opinion. Of course logically I understand why they are conducted; however, knowing that we subject ourselves to someone else’s opinion of us seems so damning. Although not so much if after going through the grueling process one puts themselves through in order to be considered for a ‘position’ pans well in their favor; however, when the outcome is not favorable to the interviewing applicant it feels so devastating.

Even when it’s a dual interview, meaning both the applicant as well as the interviewer is sizing each other up for a particular position and if both parties are not on the same page there’s going to be a loss.

Of course there are some whose temperaments just slough it off as no big deal and yet others that take that experience to the depth of their souls and wonder what or where they went wrong.

If we as humans are sitting in a position of decision making when considering an applicant for any position----including personal relationships, and decide the person they are ‘interviewing’ is not a match for them, why do they not feel an obligation to at least have the courtesy to tell the applicant their decision rather than merely remaining silent. Or merely advising them didn't get the position. Would it not seem more humane to be honest with the person you are interviewing and letting them know what your thoughts or feelings are when you’ve made the decision they are not the right “fit”? I know, I know there is some that feel they would be hurting the person’s feelings if they told them, why, which in my opinion is even worse than at least being honest with your feelings about your decision. Again, if we are to subject ourselves, which we do everyday in so many situations to be considered for ‘something’, then it would seem only reasonable to explain one’s decision. For it seems when the interviewing party actually selects the applicant best suited for their position, they seem to willingly explain to the applicant why they chose them, so why isn’t the same done for those applicants that were not selected. If one is willing to make the decision not to select an applicant then the least they should do is have the forthrightness to extend why in their opinion they didn’t choose the particular applicant. Of course the applicant chosen always has the right not to accept the position, but feel the same rule should apply. The applicant denying the position should also explain why they didn’t except the position. It seems like less negative feels or wounded egos would be unnecessarily injured as a result.

Moreover, if an applicant keeps going through interviews but is never successful in being selected for a position, wouldn’t it stand to reason that perhaps the applicant might need to work on something to improve in whatever area may have been lacking or undesirable to previous interviewers?

I’m curious to know your thoughts on the subject.

You never know what a day brings

So there I was...

just relaxing in front of the television when the kids yelled:

"Hey, come see the kittens".