Reflecting back upon the week it would appear last weekend’s tranquility was the calm before the storm. For since the beginning of this week, I’ve been presented with one situation or another either through other individuals or writings that replicate the lack of moral fiber in the male character. This is not a blog of male bashing, but rather a means to understand, process the events, and perhaps gain inside from God on the matter, inshallah.
Certainly the events of this week that have unfolded have been one of a personal nature to me, which has been mirrored through other people’s lives. In an attempt to spare too many agonizing details, I will try to stick to the point or points I wish to reflect on most.
In one of my professions, I work for a divorce mediator who assists individuals who choose to dissolve their marriage in a dignified fashion. Certainly we do not advocate divorce, as we believe in the unity and sanctity of marriage to the highest degree. However, we live in a society where divorce is very high. We assist those that have made the decision prior to coming to us to dissolve their marriage without having to go to court. Anyway, getting sidetracked here, we have a couple that has recently come to us for the assistance of filing the legal documentation for divorce, and at their last meeting it was discussed how much money would be provided to wife for their 3 children (one of which is Autistic). Wife currently lives in the family home, which apparently at some point was sold to father-in-law and payments have been made to him for said mortgage. After their last appointment, I told my boss that I believed we’d be receiving a call soon from the wife indicating she and their 3 children would be evicted from their home. My boss did not believe this to be true. On Monday this week I received a call from the wife crying because her father-in-law approached her on Easter wondering if she had a place for her and the kids to go because the husband (father-in-law’s son) had not been making the mortgage payments to him. (Side bar – this issue is being dealt with, of which I’m not able to discuss any further at this time.) I was outraged, of course, I realize now due to my own personal life’s story the lack of moral fiber in this man. Of course, there are so many details I’m not able to share with you that it would probably appear as if, again, this was a male-bashing blog, which it is not.
This woman’s story reopened some extremely painful wounds within my own heart that I thought for certain had been healed by the grace and power of Allah (swt). Not to say that these deep-seated wounds had not been cleaned and healed by Allah, but rather I perhaps did not know the extent of their depth for they are surfacing again. Perhaps at this point when the pain is being dredged up it, is Allah telling us it’s time for us to go deeper in the wound and clean some more. For I do believe as so much has either been said or written that God never puts you through more than we can handle, which has always been the case for in my life, alhamdullilah. It’s just while going through those refinement periods you wonder how strong you really are to survive the curing process.
As I’ve read for so many years and most recently (in part, as I’m not completely done reading yet) a message posted by Sands of Time (Mani) regarding the Virtues of the Feminine, the core of a woman is her heart. For it is the source of our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love. This “wellspring of life” (heart) within us is the very essence of our existence, the center of our being. As a woman the most important thing about us is our heart. For hypothesis sake could it be that God created us to a certain degree to reflect a part of Himself? Could it be that as a woman we bear a resemblance of God’s love through our social skills, gathering nature, nurturing ability, etc. with the reflection of our heart? Could it be that as a man, he bears a resemblance of God’s strength through is his “hunting” skills (provider), adventurous spirits, and the desire to be a knight in shining armour for the sake of protecting the woman’s heart? If these two statements are true, even in part, would it not stand to reason we should see more of this behavior exuded in today’s world?
I have many women friends around me that bear the resemblance of the woman I described in the previous paragraph that exude the image of this heart. We all desire to be in loving, nurturing, supportive relationships, yet the ‘pickings’ seem to be extremely slim on finding a partner that demonstrates the qualities previously mentioned above. Why is that?
My girlfriend and I were just talking on this matter earlier this week, and in an attempt to try to show me there are good men out there in this world that are worthy of our trust, she named five. Of course, my sarcastic nature came out and said “wow, you can name them all on one hand, how sad is that?” I said, “if we used those same measures of moral fiber standards and characteristic traits that we just described for men to count how many women we knew with those same qualities, we would run out of fingers and toes in counting them”. Yes, perhaps a little tainted because of my mood at the time; however, the fact remains that there seems to be a declining value in our male counterparts. I have to wonder, what part as women have we played in the creations of dwindling males with good moral fiber in our society?
Time and time again, I’m seeing the woman’s heart exposed, violated, and ultimately abandoned (a woman’s worse fear) which leaves her wounded and scarred for a very long time. What has changed so drastically that a man no longer desires to defend, shield or safeguard a woman’s heart? It is a fear of failure? Is that man’s worse fear---failing?
How, if possible, can the roles be changed, corrected or re-directed in order for a woman to be a woman who is her heart, and for a man to be a man by virtue of his protecting strength? This certainly pertains to both male and females, as it is not exclusively a male issue to fix. It’s a communal part of both in order to unite and support each other’s strengths rather than demoralize each into a shameful shamble for the sake of making the other feel better about them self.
