Humanistic Reaction

Wow! What an action packed weekend we had, but before I go into sharing that with you I thought I’d find out how you react to certain people.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to download photos and share the eventful weekend with you, inshallah.

There was a group of 9 of us – all family members that gathered together everyday since last Wednesday evening as my cousins came in for a mini vacation. Just love these cousins and every moment we are able to spend together, alhamdullilah.

From the onset there’s a family member that passively demands to be in control through unspoken communication and through manipulative tactics. I know you all know or have one of these people either in your immediate family, distant family, close network of friends, or otherwise. The one that refuses to make a decision, but always seems extremely willing and game to do anything anyone wants to do. Yet, when a decisions is made and it doesn’t go off flawlessly that person is always there to give you the “I told you so” look or sigh or roll of the eyes or (fill in the blank). Thus resulting in tension amongst the group because we all feel this unspoken communication yet none of us address the individual. Maybe out of respect, out of fear of upsetting them, or maybe because we (speaking individually) think we are the only one’s that feel this tension and therefore keep silent. Regardless of the answer it is frustrating at best.

Moreover, I’m overly amazed at how much havoc this one person can wreak on the entire group without a mere utterance of a word. Not until this weekend did I ever see how much this person is in control of everything yet seeming from the outside as if the victim or at least seeming to be available for everything but getting mad or pouting if they don’t get their way. This was a real eye opener for me, truly. For although this person is an adult chronologically they exude such childlike qualities. Don’t get me wrong, I realize we all can have these tendencies of getting frustrated or upset because things aren’t going our way or we aren’t getting what we want, but I’m not certain the majority live in this daily state of consciousness. Then again, I could be sadly mistaken.

For years I have felt sorry for this individual and made justifications for them because I always perceived them as a victim of sorts; however, learned this past weekend that perhaps victimization was also a form of manipulation.

I sat watching this all unfold before me and said very little. Why? I’m not entirely sure why. I think the mere realization of the unfolding truth befuddled me. For sometimes the truth can be so profound and take some processing time, at least for me. Furthermore, it can be somewhat shocking when the blinders (so to speak) have been removed and you can see things clearly or at best in a different fashion then what you’ve become accustomed too.

I find myself somewhat feeling guiltily conflicted in my emotions because there’s a part of me that wants to confront this individual and yet fear either their wrath or more of the same behavior. Moreover, feel guilty for having these feelings towards a family member because perhaps it would be perceived as not a wise thing to do.

Curious to know how you handle family/friend conflict(s) with someone that exudes either the qualities of passiveness, manipulation, victimization, all the previously mentioned or other behaviors not mentioned.