The best way I can think of leaving 2010 is with a good belly laugh.
Happy New Year to you all. Many blessings for a wonderful, loving, prosperous and peace-filled new year.
Final quote of the year - No one else can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten. Natasha Bedingfield
Some days it's so hard to believe Amira is now 7 years old and in second grade. I don't think we truly appreciate the term "where does the time go" until we have our own children.
I find myself as of late feeling a bit frustrated. For some reason, logic doesn't always seem to be the first line of response when processing emotions.
About 3 weeks ago my clinic unexpectedly closed. We were given no notice, as from what I could gather the owners of the clinic were attempting until the last minute negotations with our building landlord which turned fruitless in the end. The landlord of our building is in Bankruptcy proceedings and his assets and properties are now under the control of a Federal Bankruptcy Trustee. The lease of our building came up for lease renewal and the Federal Bankruptcy Trustee denied our renewal. Very frustrating! The owners of our clinic offered to pay our lease rent for 3 or 4 months in advance in order for us to stay operational until our clinic could relocate to another location as the owners had already put the wheels in motion for aquiring another space, but again we were denied. This left quite a number of us instantly out of work, which of course is not a surprise or new news to anyone.........accept for those of us immediately affected by the situation.
In the meantime, the owners of our clinic also have a sister clinic further north.......it's a slower and smaller clinic. They offered us to work out of their sister clinic until they were able to get the other clinic relocated and operable. Due to the distance this sister clinic is from my home, I am only reasonably able to work 2 days a week there, which of course affects my income greatly.
I have been searching for alternative work as well as considering alternative methods of starting my own practice incorporating my skills. At the end of the day, what this frustration comes down too is a lack of financial resources. I have knowledge, skills and even a degree which is quite an accomplishment, but it seems without funds one is very limited.
Perhaps it is naivee to say that this current situation was brought about as an opportunity to catch my attention to do something different. From a spiritual standpoint, it has always been my experience and perhaps belief that when a door suddenly closes in your life, it's a sign that a new one is preparing to open and to be looking for that opening. It's within that timeframe (between the closing of one door and opening of another) I find myself. It's that timeframe of uncertainty that I allow myself to get frustrated. I want to know the answer. I want to know where the next door is going to open. I want to know when the next door is going to open. I don't know that I necessarily want to know how it will open as I leave the how part up to the Creator. Funny little side note about human behavior as much as many of us proclaim, profess and even believe in a Creator of the Universe....something higher than ourselves.....often referred to as Allah/God/Jehovah/Bhagwaan we seem to struggle most with the idea of completely surrendering to the unknown. Which, again, would express best how and why I am feeling the way I am right this moment. Thankfully moments don't last forever, but at times they feel that way.
I realize its the sitting through the in between times one must still them self to listen, see and hear answers, but at this very moment I'm not doing very well at any of those things.
Heard this song for the first time yesterday and fell in love with it.
The professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water init. He held it up for all to see and asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"
"50gms!".....100gms!".....125gms"... the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, " but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
"Nothing," the students said.
"Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?" the professor asked.
"Your arm would begin to ache," said one of the students.
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!" ventured another student and all the students laughed.
"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"asked the professor.
"No," was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked the professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem OK. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and you can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So,when you finish your day today, remember to PUT THE GLASS DOWN!
Last Friday Amira's class had their first field trip of the year. We went to Sausalito, California which is a cute little town just north of San Francisco.
This year Amira's class is studying the waterways around our area and how they work. The first study was conducted at the Bay Model Museum. The Bay Model Visitor Center is a fully accessible education center administered by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers which makes possible the viewing of a scientific tool: a working hydraulic model of the San Francisco Bay and Sacramento - San Joaquin River Delta System. This was a fascinating museum, however, it will be even more impressive once they complete their construction as the model itself was dry during the visit.
After visiting the Bay Model Museum we proceeded to the other end of town and had lunch on Rodeo Beach which was located just below our second field trip stop. It was fun to watch the kids running around in the sand searching for shells. Some even enjoyed running in at the water's edge.
The second field trip stop we made was to the Marine Mammal Center. This was an absolutely amazing place. The Marine Mammal Center is a nonprofit veterinary research hospital and educational center dedicated to the rescue and rehabilitation of ill and injured marine mammals – primarily elephant seals, harbor seals, and California sea lions. We were able to go to a public viewing area and see the animals they currently had in their care and observe them.
We had such a wonderful time that Amira and I will be planning another trip down there, just the two of us, to spend some more quality time exploring these places along with the town of Sausalito itself.
Field trips are the reason I love kids going to school. :D
Dream Weaver - Gary Wright song as background (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Hdx9JjzDfo)
Last Saturday morning after being up for an hour or so, I decided to go check on Amira for no other reason than to see her. As usual she was sleeping peacefully. I could see she was dreaming so I stayed extra quiet as to not disturb her. Not knowing exactly how much time had past; she woke up and saw me next to her. Her face was lit up, and she said, “Mom, I had an amazing dream”. Keep in mind Amira is very private and most times does not even share her dreams with me. She claims they are scary and doesn’t want to talk about them. So you can imagine the anticipation of wanting to hear this rare beauty.
The following is Amira’s dream.
I was playing with my friend, Emily, and I wished I could fly and the next thing I knew I could fly. I was flying all around and it was so much fun. Then the next thing I knew I was flying to God and the angels. When I got to them I said I can’t believe I can fly, how can I fly? The angels told me they thought I’d like flying so they helped me out. They asked me if I liked it, and I told them yes.
I then asked the angels if I could see someone that was there. They asked who, and I told them my grandma. The angels said they needed her name. I told them, all I know is her name is Linda. They said oh yes, she’s here and they got her. Grandma said hi Amira and came to me. She said come here I want you to meet my new friend. She said she wanted me to see where she lives now. We talked and played and it was so fun. Then I told Grandma I had to go because my mom would be worried about me being gone so long, and then Grandma hugged me. Then I heard you calling my name Amira, Amira, Amira and I woke up.
The other day one of my co-workers had a book sitting on the desk next to them. The title alone caught my attention, thus causing me to pick it up and further inquire. Of course, I needed to borrow this little ditty because the cover was not enough to satisfied my need to read more.
Here's the title and description on the back cover.
The Top 10 Distinctions between Winners and Whiners
10. Winners take responsibility.
Whiners play the victim.
9. Winners can have what they want.
Whiners want what they cannot have.
8. Winners find a way.
Whiners find an excuse.
7. Winners brighten a room by entering.
Whiners brighten a room by leaving.
6. Winners listen twice as much as they talk.
Whiners talk twice as much as they listen.
5. Winners enjoy life's journey.
Whiners put their joy in the destinations.
4. Winners build friendships.
Whiners destroy friendships.
3. Winners think big.
Whiners think small.
2. Winners are focus-minded.
Whiners are scatterbrained.
1. Winners create positive meanings.
Whiners create negative meanings.
One of my clients has written a book entitled Radically Spiritual Adventures Everyday. He came in one day for treatment excited to share his book had just hit the print and showed it to me. Of course, excited for him and his partner I was the first to purchase it.
When time allows I’ve been gradually reading through this delightful book that seems to confirm and resonate well my own beliefs.
Today I was reading a chapter entitled Accepting Life on Life’s Terms – A Really Radical Spiritual Adventure, and in this chapter was an excerpt of a story called The Road of Life by an unknown author. It was such a nice excerpt that I thought I’d share.
“At first it seemed to me as thought life were rather like riding on a tandem bike with God in the back helping me pedal. I was in control. I knew the way. Life was rather boring, but it was predictable. I always made sure we took the shortest distance between two points. I don’t remember exactly when it was that God suggested we change places, but I can tell you life has not been the same since.
When God took over the lead, we stopped taking shortcuts. He, in fact, started taking us on unexpected long cuts, up mountains and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on. Even though it looked to me like madness, He just said, ‘Keep pedaling’! I was anxious and worried and I asked, ‘Where are you taking me’? He just laughed and didn’t answer….and I had to learn how to trust.
I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. When I’d say I was scared, He’d lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They were gifts to take on my journey, my God’s and mine!
When we were off again, God said, ‘Give the gifts away; they are extra baggage, too much weight.’ So I did, to people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light. I did not trust Him at first to be in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it, but I’ve discovered He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high rocks and fly to shorten rough passages.
I’ve learned to shut up and just pedal. Even in the strangest places our adventure takes us, I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face as my travel guide, God, leads the way. Now and then, when I think I know which road is best or which way we should go, He just smiles and says….’Keep pedaling’.”
Submitted PhD dissertation yesterday, and now waits for approval.
It’s been both an exciting and hectic experience, and to be honest I haven’t fully absorbed all of it yet. The thought of having a PhD title and all it entails seems very surreal to me.
The field of study is neither foreign nor unfamiliar to me, as I’ve been using it in my daily life for years while interacting with others. It is just now I’ll hold the “official” title. A title, honestly, I never imagined in my wildest dreams holding.
Truly with God all things are possible-----the seen or unseen.
For how often have you been strolling down your perfectly planned life, then suddenly shifted off course with no rhyme or reason, only to be placed on a more illuminated path that has no past or future but the present steps you are currently taking?
Again knowing God’s hands are in all things, makes this crazy life we live abundantly beautiful and worth living.
Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Before going on, I have to tell you her "tools" for attaching it to the house and her thought process behind using these tools.
So, that's how we spent our Sunday. How about you?Life is funny – Had one of those ‘Aha’ or ‘Good Grief’ moments today. Realized as a single mom with virtually no alone time to really speak of----I essentially threw away my younger years wasting my entire “nobody to worry about but me” time pining over not being married and have a family yet. Stupid, stupid, stupid
Dad is home and recovering nicely. He went for a walk yesterday-delighted to start doing it again. He's determined to live life as he believes he still has much to do and see. What I learned from this whole experience was that until that moment he came out of surgery I'd been merely existing since my mom passed---not really living. I believe this is also true for my dad and brother. Here's to learning how to live!
Michael Bernard Beckwith--Your life began in the heart and mind of the Infinite. Mentally relive the days when as a child you ran free, when there were infinite possibilities of what you could feel, accomplish, and see in the world. Allow for the energy of your remembered freedom to thunder through you, and you will free yourself from the false obstacles your adult life has put in your path.
Around 11 a.m. I received a text message from my brother stating the Angiogram revealed a 90% blockage in one artery and 50% in a couple other ones. Immediately contacting him to inquire further he stated they were scheduling an ambulance to take dad from Kaiser to Mercy hospital which is one of the best-known cardiology hospital in the U.S. to have a stint put in.
I raced down to the other hospital and was blessed to find my dad just minutes before wheeling him off to surgery. You could certainly see he was scared, but at the same time he was relieved they found something and were handling it quickly.
Total time was around an hour and a half, then his cardiologist came out bearing pictures and sharing explanations. He indicated the right artery going into the heart was extremely calcified which was a challenge, but in the end he was able to insert two stints. He said the other blockages were minor and could be treated with medication. He said dad was in good shape and should be let go the next day.
As soon as dad came out of surgery and was being wheeled to his room we walked beside him; he was awake and talking. Within an hour of the surgery you could see his color in his face and body return and his hands had started to regain warmth. By 9:30 last night they were removing the sandbag from his leg which was being used as pressure on his femoral artery.
More than anything, dad shared he was hungry. Hahahahahaha So like our family! They managed to round up a delicious dinner which he ate, then caught some rest.
Mere words of thanks do not seem adequate enough to say for the overwhelming appreciation I have for your love, support and most of all prayers. Truly we are blessed to have you in our lives.
With love,
Me
Recently (about a week ago and a half ago) my dad shared with me that he went in for his annual physical and during said visit he shared with his doctor a slight burning he's felt in his chest when he either rides his bike up hills or walks up hills, but once he's been doing it for a period of time the burning subsides. Moroever, he shared that when he does his rigious indoor physical activity this burning sensation never occurs.
His doctor was concerned about hearing this information and scheduled a treadmill exam, which he has completed. He was then referred to see a Cardiologist which he saw yesterday. The Cardiologist was impressed with my dad's treadmill results----indicated he was in really good shape but there was something going on and they needed to do further test to narrow their results. They have scheduled him for a Coronary Angiogram Procedure tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.
I realize these procedures have come a long way even since my mom had one a number of years ago, but the old memories of those days immediately came flooding back when my dad shared he had to have one. I don't want to dwell on these feelings of fear as I want to stay focused with a positive attitude to support my dad, which is why I'm imploring your prayers.
I will keep you posted.
Mint (from last year)
Getting further and further behind with updates----not good!
The same week my Jasmine kitty passed away, my entire family drove down to southern California to see my grandmother. My grandma (my mom’s mom) is 88 years old and has been living on her own for quite a number of years. She’s out lived two husbands and has overcome many obstacles in her life, which is I’m sure a testament to her strength.
Around the end of February my grandma fell and fractured her hip. She was taken to the ER where they performed surgery inserting a still rod in her hip. She was then taken to a rehab facility where she received excellent rehabilitation along with physical therapy twice a day 6 days a week. My grandma took her recovery very seriously and really concentrated on learning all the skills she was being taught to once again regain her independence.
During this recovery time though my aunt and her husband came out from Kansas to care for her, and while doing so assumed grandma would not improve and began immediately clearing out her home by holding garage sales and such to streamline grandma’s things. This of course did not bode well with grandma or with any of my family as we felt this was too quick of a reaction. Moreover, we felt the priority should have been on grandma. We felt by providing grandma with love, support and encouragement she would flourish with her recovery. Moreover, we felt that should grandma need to move from her home due to needing assistance why not look for something in southern California where grandma had been living for 60 years and wanted to remain. Again, this was not the same focus for my aunt and her husband. Their plan and intentions were to immediately upon release haul grandma with her recovering hip back to Kansas where she knew no one. Hence our reason for rushing down to southern California to be with grandma.
We spend the weekend with her and were even able to communication with one another open and candidly our feelings on the subject matter which grandma was very open and willing to discuss.
My fear and brother’s fear was the same---we did not want her to go, especially with my uncle who was an abuser. He sexually abused my girl cousin and I when we were young girls, and he mentally abused my brother and my boy cousin also when they were young. There is no love or respect for that man in any of our hearts, and think of our 88 year old grandmother going to live under his roof was unthinkable, and we shared such thoughts with her as well.
In the end, after all was said and done, grandma decided she was not going to sell her home in southern California but would go to Kansas to live with her daughter and give it a try. She said by keeping her home in California she could always return if things didn’t work in Kansas.
Of course we keep in contact with grandma and continue to pray for her wellness, however, at times it feels like a real helpless feeling.
I realize my viewpoint on this subject matter is extremely tainted and summarized as these things have already passed so forgive the biasm.
We have been so busy lately that updating has been difficult to manage. Will update soon, but until then here's a few more pieces of Amira's artwork. :-)
This past weekend, Amira's class was having an "optional" family field trip to Point Reyes, CA, which is located on the coast of California.
Due to the weather (rain), we opted to pass on the field trip, and instead headed to Monterey, CA to explore the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Figuring Amira would still be able to explore the oceanic sea life, but under drier conditions.
The weekend weather turned out to be absolutely perfect for the field trip, thus allowing us to take in so much more than the aquarium. We also ventured to Pacific Grove, which is noted for being the Monarch Butterfly capitol as well as to Carmel-by-the Sea, famously noted for Thomas Kincaid's work.
After visiting the breathtaking landscape of Carmel-by-the-Sea, I understood Thomas Kincaid's art much better-----for he depicts the actual beauty on the outside, but not the beauty on the inside of the town's people because there wasn't much beauty to capture upon. Although esthetically the little village on the sea was breathtakingly beautiful the people themselves were somewhat snobby and rude. Of course not all as we encountered some lovely people, but I would say as a general consensus the majority were snobby.
Here are some photos that captured our weekend.
