Saturday, July 26, 2014

When Spirit Moves You

Interesting morning-
One never knows what Spirit/God/Creator/Allah/Jehovah...whatever name you prefer to use, will bring you.

The musing I'm about to share may sound strangely odd, but nonetheless very surreal to me.

I've been seeing the word 'forgive" in various forms recently, and being one who fancies them self of philosophical sayings, I appreciate the wisdom in such phrases.

Taking a moment of solitude this morning, enjoying the gentle calm of the early morn, I find myself pondering on the word forgive and what it means to me on this day, for I'm well aware of what the word means and feel I've done it on various levels throughout my life, but today in particular I feel I'm being called to look at this word again.

As I sit quietly, suddenly I'm presented with a question,,,,,"have you truly forgiven Adam (my ex)?" My first immediate reaction is to say, "yes". However, on a deeper level I'm asked once again, "have you truly forgiven Adam"? The second time I pause before answering, and earnestly walk down memory lane and see where I have 'forgiven' him justifiably. What I mean by justifiably is, in my own way I felt I had forgiven him because I don't talk ill of him, I don't wish him dead, I don't wish harm to come to him, etc. I've also gone so far to say, "it's not my place to judge his wrong choices". However, is that true forgiveness?

As I mulled over these thoughts my ego wanted to justifiably say 'yes', but in truth I don't think I had done so egolessly (new word--like it? lol) This is not to say that I hadn't forgiven him on some level, but today it seemed I needed to forgive him on another level. I realized my forgiveness was based solely on what I thought I was suppose to do in order to move forward in my life. This is not to say I haven't moved forward or evolved, but today was bringing something deeper.

All this is processing through my head when all of a sudden I hear this gentle Spirit ask me, "have you walked a minute in his shoes to understand his reasons for doing what he did? or have you judged his reasons based on what you thought he should have done?" At this pivotal moment I realized I had never once imagined what he must have been going through to make the choices he made. Yes, I knew some of the terrible choices he made that placed himself and potentially Amira and I in some pretty bad situations, but never once had I actually metaphorically put myself in his place. At that very moment I felt what it was to do so without prejudice, judgment, or justifications, but to just forgive.

So, where does it go from here? Who knows, who cares.....what I do know is today he and I have been set longer bound to one another due to unforgiveness.