When Spirit Moves You

Interesting morning-
One never knows what Spirit/God/Creator/Allah/Jehovah...whatever name you prefer to use, will bring you.

The musing I'm about to share may sound strangely odd, but nonetheless very surreal to me.

I've been seeing the word 'forgive" in various forms recently, and being one who fancies them self of philosophical sayings, I appreciate the wisdom in such phrases.

Taking a moment of solitude this morning, enjoying the gentle calm of the early morn, I find myself pondering on the word forgive and what it means to me on this day, for I'm well aware of what the word means and feel I've done it on various levels throughout my life, but today in particular I feel I'm being called to look at this word again.

As I sit quietly, suddenly I'm presented with a question,,,,,"have you truly forgiven Adam (my ex)?" My first immediate reaction is to say, "yes". However, on a deeper level I'm asked once again, "have you truly forgiven Adam"? The second time I pause before answering, and earnestly walk down memory lane and see where I have 'forgiven' him justifiably. What I mean by justifiably is, in my own way I felt I had forgiven him because I don't talk ill of him, I don't wish him dead, I don't wish harm to come to him, etc. I've also gone so far to say, "it's not my place to judge his wrong choices". However, is that true forgiveness?

As I mulled over these thoughts my ego wanted to justifiably say 'yes', but in truth I don't think I had done so egolessly (new word--like it? lol) This is not to say that I hadn't forgiven him on some level, but today it seemed I needed to forgive him on another level. I realized my forgiveness was based solely on what I thought I was suppose to do in order to move forward in my life. This is not to say I haven't moved forward or evolved, but today was bringing something deeper.

All this is processing through my head when all of a sudden I hear this gentle Spirit ask me, "have you walked a minute in his shoes to understand his reasons for doing what he did? or have you judged his reasons based on what you thought he should have done?" At this pivotal moment I realized I had never once imagined what he must have been going through to make the choices he made. Yes, I knew some of the terrible choices he made that placed himself and potentially Amira and I in some pretty bad situations, but never once had I actually metaphorically put myself in his place. At that very moment I felt what it was to forgive......to do so without prejudice, judgment, or justifications, but to just forgive.

So, where does it go from here? Who knows, who cares.....what I do know is today he and I have been set free....no longer bound to one another due to unforgiveness. 

Amira's First of Many Experiences

A week ago, Friday, Amira’s school had their annual Harvest Festival, which consist of food, crafts, community gathering and this year a talent show.

About a month prior to the Harvest Festival, Amira came home from school and announced that she wanted to sign up with one of her classmates for the talent show. Internally I was shocked because of her severe shyness, but externally I showered her with encouragement and support. She shared they were going to do a scene from Alice In Wonderland Jr., the musical. All new to me, but was excited for her nonetheless for her adventurous nature. She practiced everyday when she had free time.

A week prior to the Harvest Festival she even took her backpack to school with a few dresses and shoes to show her friend so they could decide what they were going to wear for their play.

The day of the Harvest Festival, Amira packed her backpack with all her wears and went off to school. At 4:30 that evening my dad and I arrived to greet Amira and assist with any last minute preparations for the big show. We also ran into her little friend that was equally as excited, nervous and ready to go.

Beings this was the school’s first year at having a talent show at the Harvest Festival, it was a bit unorganized leaving families uncertain as to where, when and what time the show was suppose to take place.

Like sheep we followed a flock to a classroom where we all gathered for the big event. You could clearly tell Amira was nervous but wanted to play it ‘cool’ around the other kids. The program directory was passed out and the talent show attendees where asked to sit up front. Amira’s little friend was still not in the room when the talent show began, which added greatly to Amira’s nervousness.

Amira’s name was finally called to step up, to which she did, but to tell the director that her friend was not here yet. Ugh! She returned to her seat and anxiously awaited her friend’s arrival.

A few acts later and her friend finally arrives. Amira runs back up to the director of the program and advises her that her friend has arrived, so they let the two of them go to center stage with a microphone in Amira’s hand. The room is silent and still. The two girls look out at the crowd, then look at one another. Amira’s eyes begin to wail up and she puts her hand around her throat. Her friend’s eyes are like a deer looking in headlights – wide as can be. They just stand there. Finally the director whispers to them, “it’s ok, you can sit down”. The two girls walk off the staging area. Everyone claps.

We make it through the remainder of the talent show, then Amira comes up to me barely holding back from crying and I grab her hand. She doesn’t not want much comforting as she’s seconds away from losing it and doesn’t want to do it in front of everyone.

We make our way to the car. Once inside we both start bawling like babies. I feel so horrible for how she’s feeling. She’s embarrassed and can’t stop crying. She wants to just go home. We held hands all the way home, and talked about the show. I shared with her how proud of her I was, and how proud others were of her for taking such a big step, as they know how shy she is. She tells me that when she looked out at the audience she was surprised how many people were there, and that Patrick’s advice (from Spongebob) of visualizing people in their underwear did not help AT ALL. I shared with her my experience of having to say or do something in front of people and how it made me feel. Hearing this seemed to help calm her nerves.

When we got home I asked if she wanted to share some hot tea together and she said that she did. As I was preparing the tea she decided to get this book she gave me last year which was a book of Maxine quotes (see below the first page of the book she turned too).

When I brought her a cup of tea, I found her crying again. I asked what happened and she said she got the “Maxine” book out as she thought it would cheer her up, but instead she said, “I opened the very first page and this is what I saw”.

Maxine can be so cold sometimes. LOL

School of Life

Dad is home and recovering nicely. He went for a walk yesterday-delighted to start doing it again. He's determined to live life as he believes he still has much to do and see. What I learned from this whole experience was that until that moment he came out of surgery I'd been merely existing since my mom passed---not really living. I believe this is also true for my dad and brother. Here's to learning how to live!

Michael Bernard Beckwith--Your life began in the heart and mind of the Infinite. Mentally relive the days when as a child you ran free, when there were infinite possibilities of what you could feel, accomplish, and see in the world. Allow for the energy of your remembered freedom to thunder through you, and you will free yourself from the false obstacles your adult life has put in your path.

Lesson in Economics

Well Amira had her first lesson in economics today. Today I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall and look around as we had been home all weekend long. She thought it would be fun to go look around. I told her there was a Hello Kitty store and her eyes lit up. I told her that she could bring some of her money if she wanted as she may find something she wanted to buy.

So, off to Hello Kitty we went. We spent about 45 minutes to an hour meandering through the entire store which incidentally isn't very large but packed with lots of stuff. She looked, touched and ewwwed over everything she could reach in the store. I just patiently followed her around and watched as she shopped. She finally made a decision on something she wanted. I told her the price of the toy and she said, "ok". Of course, I realize she knows numbers and what currency is because that's what they are learning in school; however, I also knew they hadn't actually learned the lesson that goes along with spending and earning money in reality so thought today was as good as any to learn.

We walked up to the cashier and she placed her item on the counter. The lady rang it up and told her it was $15.23. Amira reached into her Tinker Bell purse and pulled out her Tinker Bell money wallet. I told her it meant she had to give the lady the three $5s in her wallet which she pulled out. I told her then she needed to give her three pennies and two dimes. Her face was starting to droop a little. We gave the lady the money and she quickly handed us the receipt and told us to have a nice day. Obviously, this young girl didn't understand that this was Amira's first real purchase so it wasn't important to make it a big deal----or treat it like any other transaction. Anyway, she handed Amira her bag and Amira took it sadly looking down. As we walked slowly away I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I don't like this Hello Kitty". I asked why she didn't and she said, "because now I don't have my $5s anymore". I told her we could take the toy back and get her money back if she wanted too, and she said, "no".

It broke my heart to see her sad, but with a passing of a couple of hours since that purchase Hello Kitty is snug as a bug in a rug in our home and feeling very loved. :-)

Weekend Adventures

This was an interesting weekend. Certainly not one I probably would have sought out to do, but nonetheless embraced.

You know if you just leave yourself open to many aspects of life it's interesting what you will find, experience or be presented with. I think if we can keep ourselves open to these interesting adventures there's always lessons or wisdom that can be learned by them.

Friday night Amira and I were invited to go to a Goddess Gathering at a campsite near a lake. Aside from the "campsite" part, since this little darling (me) does not like camping, I figured it would be a fun adventure to find out exactly what happens at a "Goddess Gathering". After the experience, I'm still not entirely sure what it was suppose to be about because we had to leave early, BUT we did have fun hanging out with a group of women from all different cultural, spiritual, ethnical backgrounds. Although felt a little out of place since Amira and I were nearly the only girls there that didn't have a tattoo or body piercing. Well, I have my ears pierced, but that's it. Perhaps we were considered the odd-balls there or at the very least unsophisticated due to not being worldly or cultured. LOL Anyway, the group of women were great, the food was great, and the over all evening was enjoyable. It was suppose to be a celebration of the Summer Solstice. Although, honestly, I don't exactly know what that means so just went along for the food, fun and enjoyment of other ladies.

I received a voicemail Thursday afternoon from a dear friend of mine who just came back into town from Hawaii letting me know that she was here because her mother just passed away on Wednesday afternoon (may God bless her soul), and that the funeral was to be on Saturday morning. So, I contacted my parents to see if they could possibly watch Amira so I could attend this funeral service. It was a lovely service for such a remarkably pious woman. One of the things I learned about, Esther (friend's mom) was that she was a WAVE, which was a division of the U.S. Navy during the World War II era. As part of her funeralservice they had members of the United States Navy Honor Guard there to perform a small military service in honor of her passing and duty to service. It was beautiful and very touching. In addition the military service they also had a pastor speak over the service on behalf of the family, which was very nice because this was the first funeral I can ever recall attending where the person speaking actually new the dearly departed individual. Ironic as it may sound there seems to always be something of profound knowledge or wisdom that comes from funerals. At this particular one they read a passage from the bible from the 91st Psalm which in part reads He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him I will trust. It was such a beautiful passage as well as a reminder to trust God in all things. To remind us not to sweat things and to remember God has and knows the plan, it's our duty to trust in Him.

We are living in such uncertain times like no other times I recall. Perhaps merely because I'm older now and pay more attention to this stuff. Or maybe because I'm a mom now and therefore see life differently. All I know is nothing is like it was once before. The things we once were able to count on or depend on are no longer available. Perhaps we as Americans are experiencing for the first time in a very long time very unchartered territories due to the economical status of this country as well as the rest of the world. I think as Americans we've led a very fortunate life compared to so many others; however, due to the recent economical struggles I have to wonder if we are being forced to live a very different life than that we've previously known. Certainly going back to the basics or simplicity of life is a wonderful thought as truly what else is there but God, family and friends. Except that some people panic during the uncertainties and tend to act like maniacs. Awwwww the human spirit—isn't it something?

Until the next adventure, I wish you well.

MusicLover Recommendation

The other day MusicLover posted a comment on one of my post regarding a movie recommendation. After doing some research, I was not able to find this movie at my local movie rental place via their website, and was disappointed.

Tonight, however, after work Amira and I went to the movie rental place to pick up a couple of movies to watch over the long Thanksgiving holiday, and low in behold the movie, Away From Her, was starring right at me as soon as I rounded the corner. Of course, I immediately picked it up along with a few others. When we got home we had to watch Amira’s movie first which was Mickey Mouse’s Christmas….LOL It was cute. After finishing her movie, I immediately popped in Away From Her. Oh my goodness, what a perfect movie for the holidays. For the matter, it’s the perfect movie anytime. It will definitely be one of my favorites. I should caution to keep tissue nearby because it’s a very powerful movie.

I cannot and hope I never have to experience what both these people experienced, inshallah. But, how I would love to be able to spend 44 years with a beloved, inshallah. This movie is a great reminder of how we should be ever so grateful for every moment we have on this earth, and every moment we spend with our dear families, friends, and people will meet in the future. Truly life is the most precious gift on this earth, alhamdullilah, and we, as humans should cherish life as if it were a rare and precious gem. Moreover, we should always remember to never take advantage of the wonderful relationships we have with every human that crosses our path, inshallah.

MusicLover, thank you for the recommendation.

An Atheist

An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking, “'What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground, rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!” Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Out of the mouths of Babes

Yesterday I had to take my daughter with me to one of the offices’ I work at, as there was a recent out break of ‘pink eye’ aka Conjunctivitis in her school. For those that may not be familiar with ‘pink eye’ you can see it's definition here http://www.medicinenet.com/pink_eye/glossary.htm under Conjunctivitis. Truly nothing earth shattering, and extremely common in kids.

My whole philosophy on people’s overreaction to any little medical illness is a whole other topic in itself for me. Simply put – lighten up people! Just because there’s a sniffle doesn’t mean you panic and start injecting antibiotics, which just kills all the natural bacteria used to fight off infections. Moreover, I say let all the kids in school get it at once, so we can get it over with at the same time and move on with our lives. Anyway, I digress.

So, my daughter and I head off to the office to work for the day. She managed to have a few toys to play with and did remarkably well considering we were cooped up in an office all day. Even we as adults have a hard time staying focused and quiet in an office environment before getting bored and restless. :-)

Finally towards the last hour of the day, she couldn’t take it anymore and was getting restless and wanted to use the computer because after all, the computer was taking Mom’s attention away from her. So, I found a website for kids that allows them to operate the mouse as a coloring crayola and they can then color a picture. She thought this was great fun, and I was impressed at her operating skills at 3 ½ years old mash Allah.

At one point she said, “You can color a picture if you like”. She then pulled up a My Little Pony picture and then gave me the mouse to color the picture. Of course she had to tell me which colors to use to color the picture, and I obeyed. When I finished the picture, she looked at me and said, “Good job Baby. I’m so proud of you. Give me a hug.” My heart just melted and I hugged her, and I heard one of my co-workers say, “ohhhhhhhhh that’s so sweet”.

Truly I found a lesson in this incredibly endearing moment, and that was to watch your actions and choose your words carefully because she was merely repeating what she’s heard before.