Overly Sensitive

Among the many things you may be experiencing as of late (i.e., physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual changes/challenges), I'd like to talk about being what some may consider "overly sensitive".

For those among us who are very sensitive to energy – and that includes most everyone reading this – it is easy to pick up on and absorb what those around us are going through, mistaking it for our o...wn feelings. Picture a high wattage lightbulb and how much electricity it gives off when you are near it. When you are around something like that you can hear the buzz and you can sometimes even feel that zhoozy, electricity feeling in the air. So as we’re all walking around, in our homes, workplaces and communities, we are feeling all the ‘electricity’ going through people that they are having a hard time processing. Where a person’s inner aspects are waking up and trying to get their attention, but are continuing to be ignored or repressed, that energy isn’t flowing as it should be. It keeps circulating around the body, generating the turbulence. So on some level, a sensitive observer can feel this, like it’s a combustion waiting to explode, or a dam about to burst. Sometimes we are aware we are picking up on the other person’s ‘stuff’, other times we don’t realise until later.

It helps to say something like: “if this is not mine, please go back to your rightful owner with love.” The more we’ve cleared our stuff, and the more we know who we are, the easier it becomes to distinguish what is yours vs what is not.

On the other hand, we should also realize we are still clearing within ourselves that part of ourselves we didn't even realize was still there. A part of ourselves we had no idea still had an impact on us.

During this latest round of energy push-down, as I like to call it, I found myself once again feeling deep agonizing pain in my solarplex area. Lots of bloating, painful pressure whether sitting or standing, and certainly finding it difficult to digest food easily. Taking time to meditate and just be still, I decided to 'check in' with myself to see what still needed to be cleared as clearly this stomach 'issue' wasn't going away until I did. Or at least that's what I was feeling.

Anyway, as I laid quietly just letting my thoughts wonder, I found myself drifting back to my childhood home in southern California. I saw myself in my bedroom, mad and crying (I was between 6 & 8). What disturbed me the most was seeing the self punishment I was giving myself. I was punching myself in the stomach as hard as I could, telling myself to stop. Stop what, you ask? Stop feeling! Stop receiving intuitive feelings and insight.

I've known my whole life I receive intuitive guidance........my whole life! When I was 9 years old, I remember having a private conversation with my grandma and telling her what I saw and felt. I remember her getting quiet and touching me softly and saying, "honey, you have a special gift but we won't tell anyone about it because they won't understand and harm could come to you". I could remember feeling scared and wondering why would God give me this if it was going to get me hurt.

Over my lifetime since then I've denied or at best kept it to myself what I felt or saw and just stored all that denial........stuffing it into my stomach. This all became clear last Friday evening.

I found myself laying in a pile of tears feeling so bad for that little girl part of me that punished herself so brutally for not understanding. I found myself crying for my grandmother who did what she thought was right for me at such a young age. It was during this time that I realized what I needed to do. I needed to release any unforgiveness I had, any wrongdoing I had done to myself, and the hate I had for having a 'gift'. In doing so, I could feel my stomach start to move, and over the last 3 days my stomach has improved far beyond anything I've experienced in the last year.

It is by far not feeling 100% well, but then again there's been a great many years between my early childhood and now filled with denial, pain and anquish that it now needs to be cleansed, comforted, and guided back to complete health.

One may ask if such a thing is possible when one's body has been in a dis-eased for so long, and the answer is yes.

I now acknowledge and accept that for some reason I've been blessed as many, if not all, of us have with the gift of intuition on some level or another. As I've been working specificially with massage clients over the years, and have seen with my own physical eyes and felt inside my body (what is often referred to as a "gut feeling") information I woudn't ordinarily know, I can no longer deny this gift of intuition.

I accept this divine blessing, and give thanks for it. I consider it a great honor to serve as a conduit in other's healing or perhaps better stated, wellness.......for after all that's where we are headed.

So as you continue along your journey of clearing and cleansing this month, I encourage you to do so with ease and grace. As your sensitive side is enhanced even more, remember to ground yourself.

Determination, Focus, and Practice equals Success

Following the Summer Olympics last year, Amira decided she really wanted to try gymnastics.  We found a gymnastics’ facility not far from our house and signed her up for a month worth of classes.  After two weeks of classes, her teacher decided Amira needed to advance to another level as she was already more than capable of handling the moves being presented in the entry level class. 

Realizing Amira really had a love for the sport, decided to keep enrolling her in classes.  During the second month of her classes, her teacher once again approached me and said there was a competition coming up in February and she really believed Amira would be a great fit for their team.  So began the competition training as well as continued weekly classes.

The competition was to be held at California State University Sacramento on February 23, 2013.  She was thrilled, excited and nervous all at the same time.  Amira is not a morning person, but on the day of the performance she had no problem waking up early…..lol funny how that works. 

We arrived at the gym early and found front row seats.  The energy in the air was exhilarating, and all the performers stood tall and proud.

There were four routines the girls could do, the beam, the vault, the floor, and the uneven bars.  Amira participated in all four routines.

After all the performances were completed and scores were tallied, all the gymnasts and their coaches sat in the middle of the floor awaiting their results.  You could feel the anticipation and excitement, I think even more from the crowd and coaches than the gymnasts themselves.

Amira received a 3^rd place in the vault, a 2^nd place from the floor, a 1st place on the uneven bars and a 1^st place on the beam.  It was all very exciting to see all the gymnasts approach the stage and receive their ribbons.  After the ribbons for each routine was passed out they then awarded medals to those that competed in the All Around (competing in all four events).  Amira was not awarded a medal in this event because she actually won 1^st place in this event, which afforded her a trophy.  She was so thrilled and beamed with pride at winning her first trophy.

I know I couldn’t be more proud of her for her accomplishment for she truly put her heart and soul into practicing diligently and focusing on what she was being taught from her coaches.

It’s been a testament and honor to watch what such determination can achieve.

Why Bullying Contiues - Lack of Accountability

Are you kidding me right now?  In this day and age when the media is continually running ad campaigns of the need to stop bullying, it seems to continue being alive and well.  Amira has been the victim of bullying from a girl in her class pretty much since the start of this school year (August 2012).  I was not aware of this happening until her astute teacher brought it to my attention at our parent/teacher conference (October 2012).  Amira was with me during this conference and between her teacher and I we discussed what had been going on with this other girl and reassuring Amira that no one has the right to say or touch her in anyway.  He acknowledged to Amira he knows she’s (Amira) a kind, respectful person and for her to understand speaking up for herself is not a sign of being unkind or disrespectful.  Learning what was going on in class and how her teacher was attentive to the situation gave me a sense of comfort.

As the school year progressed this little girl’s behavior towards Amira escalated gradually. First it was telling fabricated stories, and then it was doing an inappropriate act during the class picture resulting in not only disrespecting Amira personally but the entire class as well.  Bringing the class picture to the teacher caused him to even step up his vigilance over this little girl.  Tightening the reigns on her movement in class.

Although things seemed to remain under control in class because of the separation and lack of movement around the class on this little girl’s part, the taunting continued during lunch recess, and has since spread to other children (a classmate and friend Amira hangs out with).

The final straw that has broke the camel’s back was when I learned this little bully spit on Amira as well as the other above-mentioned classmate.  She’s a sneaky one all right and clearly knows exactly what she’s doing.  Like a lion waiting patiently to attack its prey, she waited for the opportune time to attack these two girls the moment the teacher left to take his lunch break.  When Amira told me about this latest situation, I immediately contacted the teacher, as this was completely unacceptable. The school has a program called ‘peer mediation’ where two parties can bring their dispute to the table for a panel of their peers to help them resolve the matter.  Unbeknownst to me the school asked Amira and this girl if they would elect to go to peer mediation, as this is one of the countless steps that are taken according to the policies and procedures of the school.  After finding out Amira attended this session I was very upset, as I did not think this particular situation (spitting on someone) was a ‘peer mediation’ dispute as much as I saw it as a physical assault.  My understanding is a dispute is when two or more parties have a disagreement about something and need assistance solving the dispute, NOT a victim and an assailant sitting together discussing the assault.

The teacher’s next step was to have a face-to-face with the parents to discuss their child’s behavior.  The result of this meeting was after much discussing the teacher was able to get the parents to concede that it MIGHT be possible their child is conducting herself inappropriately, BUT that they (parents) believe their child is not malicious but rather not aware of her actions.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

After discussing this issue with the Vice Principal last week, I realize even with today’s mass media awareness of bullying so many want to continue believing we don’t live in that reality.  When discussing the issue with the VP last week her response to me was, “first of all that is absolutely disgusting to be spit on, on the other hand we should be thankful we don’t live in East L.A.”.  I just about lost my mind at this statement.  How can someone live in such ignorance that it’s not happening around us?  East L.A., City of Stockton, or any other overly crime-ridden town didn’t get that way over night. In order to change old ways, patterns and behaviors we must first acknowledge it’s possible they exists.  If we cannot even do the basics of acknowledging such things exists, those existing things just continue to perpetuate out of control. Oy!

As of this afternoon I have a meeting with the school to discuss these unacceptable and preposterous situations. I expect to receive a copy of their written policies and procedures for handling bullying, as well as inquire as to their written policies and procedures for aiding and assisting victims of bullying.  I use the word ‘inquire’ about victims’ protection, as I’d be surprised if they have anything as of yet.  I’m also asking for copies of any/all notes, reports, etc that have been documented this far on this child.  I’m also expecting the school to tell me how this child has been made to adhere to the teachings of Maria Montessori (some of the basic teachings of Maria Montessori are teaching accountability, responsibility and respectfulness).

I’m all about living in a peaceful world, and in order to do so I must first acknowledge that not all are peaceful and so must eradicate those that are not peaceful from my life and cherish those ones that are peaceful in my life.  In fairness, I believe this little girl is a victim as well, and I would like nothing more than to see her behavior change for her betterment as well as those around her.  High school bullies don’t become bullies in high school, they become bullies in elementary school. Why should we wait until high school to do something about it?  For haven’t we already witnessed enough of the affects of high school bullying via school shootings?  It is my desire to get this little girl and her parents whatever help they need to straighten out how their child is conducting herself for her own safety and well-being, as one day a bigger bully may just come along and hurt her badly.  In addition to that I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect and guide Amira physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Between Before and After

How many thought that the time of great awakening, in comparison to the era preceding it, would be a little like the before and after photo’s of a weight loss story: two dramatically different images with one being heavy and sad, the other being light and joyously happy? We’ve all carried some form of ‘before and after’ images in our minds concerning the way we imagined/felt/intuited life would lo...ok 2013 and beyond, however just like the weight loss photo’s, we may not have had any images depicting the amount of time and active steps it takes to get from ‘before’ to ‘after’ – particularly the amount of time and active steps it takes to get a whole humanity from ‘before’ to after’, to get whole systems from ‘before’ to ‘after’ including politics, media, health, education, environment conservation, social welfare, justice, sustainable housing, corporations, finance etc.

The point being to continue striving forward in your daily life, knowing that the process between "before and after" is still in affect. It's like hitting a plateau along the journey of weight-loss. During such a period of time it seems, on the outside (scale, clothes, etc.), NOTHING is changing and we become frustrated and disappointed in the process. However, in reality what is transpiring during this time period is a shift within ourselves thus allowing for the next phase to unfold, (another drop of weight or perhaps inches) which will reveal itself on the outside, showing us our progress. Progress and transformation are truly done from the inside/out.

Knowing what this process (still using the weight-loss scenario as an example) takes for an individual to achieve, can you imagine what it is like for an entire planet of individuals? Overwhelming to assume, for sure. However, just as you continue to strive, achieve and change know you are not alone and that others struggle and cheer at their journey's process as well. I believe the goal here is to be as supportive with yourself during the process as you are with others. For truly, many of us are far gentler, supportive and kind in others' pursuits than we are of our own. Should you be someone who continually gives (in whatever fashion) to others and less to yourself, you may want to evaulate the thoughts/beliefs that you hold onto that tells you, "I'd be selfish if I thought of myself", because you are just as important to the process of change. We must each allow ourselves to balance the scales of giving and receiving to continue the process of transformation.

As we continue down the road of awakening (systems, thoughts, beliefs, ways of doing business that need overhauled) and transformation (evaulating your own thoughts/beliefs, effective changes gradually being made around the world), know we ARE in the process between "before and after".

Annual Holiday Letter

Greetings Family and Friends,

As Amira and I clinked our fluted glasses filled with sparkling apple cider at mid-night on January 1, 2012 we vowed to make the New Year a year of being fancy and adventurous. Little did we know we’d be taking Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride to a whole new level!

Beginning New Year’s Day we took a spontaneous road-trip to Santa Rosa, Ca, to the home of Snoopy’s Ice Rink. We spent a glorious day there along with exploring the Charles Schultz museum.  It was a perfect way to start 2012.

At the end of March, beginning of April we arranged a surprise birthday/family reunion trip to San Diego for my dad. We rented a beautiful home just a few short blocks from the water.  The Brown Clan and the Leboda Clan (Arizona family) had a grand week in southern California.  Memories that will last a lifetime!  Two days before leaving I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my ankle in two places. This however did not stop us from enjoying the last days of San Diego. However, it did take me out of work for more than 6 weeks.

During my hiatus, Clint and I discovered we had an older sister named Terri and met her at the end of May.  In some ways it’s still very surreal yet very natural at the same time.  We’ve certainly enjoyed getting to know one another and spending time together.  Turns out she lives in Arizona. What a small world!  We’ve since introduced her to the Leboda Clan, which has been a great experience as well.

After watching the summer Olympics Amira decided she wanted to try gymnastics. So for the last few months she’s been taking classes once a week. After her second month of classes her teacher approached me about Amira taking a spot on their competitive team of which she is now training for.

In addition to doing gymnastics once a week she opted to play on the school’s volleyball team this year and did really well.  So excited to share these wonderful experiences with her.

For Thanksgiving we spent the extended weekend in Arizona with the entire clan and had an absolute blast.

As of the writing of this Annual Christmas letter (12/16/12), our family has learned that my sister-in-law, Claudia, has Stage 3 cervical cancer.  She and Clint have agreed to take the doctor’s recommendation for treatment, which will be 6 weeks of combined chemotherapy and radiation.  Her first radiation treatment will be December 24, 2012, with a more than likely overnight stay to track her progress. Claudia has said that she appreciates all the outpour of love, prayers and positive support she’s been receiving.  She is choosing to keep herself surrounded with positive people, as she knows this will benefit her more than anything.  We’re in the process of putting something together to keep everyone informed via a web-page. Once this has been done we will gladly pass the word along. (Update 12/25/12: Claudia received her first chemo treatment Sunday, 12/23/12 and her first radiation treatment Monday, 12/24/12. She is doing well and is looking forward to spending the holidays with her family.)

         As you look back over the year, I hope you look with fondness and gratitude. As you look forward, I hope you look with amazement and wonder.  I wish you peace, good health, and lots of love.

Shenanigans Humans' Pull

To be very honest, I am beyond words at the shenanigans humans’ pull, which are a direct misuse of our egos.  An obvious example is the political games being played around the globe at the unfortunate expense of human life.  Whether this be physical, emotional or spiritual at the expense of human life, it is all the same……shameful! Every negative thing we think, feel, say or do is adding to our pain and suffering and the negativity of every person, place, condition, or thing on Earth. To keep acting in these obsolete behavioral patterns when we should know better is ludicrous, unconscionable, and defies common sense.  Playing the same old record over and over for years on end not only becomes monotonous but also borders on lunacy.  Enough is enough!  How can we make a difference?  Believe it or not, we have the ability to do so, by being cognizant of what we are empowering with the focus of our attention and especially what we are communicating to others only a daily basis. As the infamous Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”.  Each and every one of us has the very power to effectuate such change.  I believe we have an absolute duty to do so, for each one of us holds the key to the future.  Don’t be lured into the negative menacing of the media, for it will only perpetuate the same decrepit tune. Instead, be an active example of positive actions daily.

Summer, where did you go?

Hard to believe the days of summer are winding down.  It seems as if it was only yesterday I was beginning summer with a mending broken ankle, and now it's coming to a conclusion.

Lets see what did we do? Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Oh yes, I began back to work part time at the beginning of June and by mid to late June I was back full time. However, due to being off for 9 weeks it was now like starting all over again. I needed to rebuild my clientele. Truly we here in America have a short attention span. I didn't think 9 weeks was all that long, but apparently to some it was a lifetime, so they moved on.  Rebuilding a clientele as well as those being on summer holidays it's been rather challenging to say the least, but I'm still hopeful for improvement.

Amira spent the summer at day camp swimming and going on all kinds of fun field trips.  Her camp also had their own Camp Olympics which she participated in and came home with three 2nd place ribbons for her achievements.

For 4th of July/Amira's birthday we had a big family bbq at our house and my sister and niece (who I met for the first time) came in from Arizona to enjoy the festivities.  It was an amazing few days.

August came and went with my birthday mingled in the middle.  This year for my birthday I was not feeling very festive, but rather feeling like I needed some alone time, so I received a massage from a friend at the clinic I work at and then grabbed a cup of coffee and spend it at the cemetary with my mom. Although it's still very hard to go there, there's such an amazing sense of peace and calmness that lingers.  It was just what I needed to sit, be still and shed unspoken tears.

After being inspired from watching the Olympics, Amira decided she wanted to try gymastics. So, three weeks ago we found a gymnastics place a couple miles down the road and she's been going once a week since then and has thoroughly enjoyed every minute.  She's getting so good at doing handstands that I'm expecting one day to find her walking through the house on her hands.

Towards the later part of August she returned to school (4th grade) and has been both excited as well as challenged by the experience.  She was excited to get back to school and learn as she loves it, but has not been thrilled with the idea of having to do oral reports.  Although she's been gradually doing them since 1st grade, this year seems to be more challenging than others......and she hasn't even done the first one yet.  She's in a 4th, 5th, 6th grade combo, so I'm sure she's feeling a little insecure because of the older kids, although the majority of the class is 4th graders.  Moreover, I have a feeling they are introducing new concepts and that's stretching her a little bit.  All good stuff....just hate to see her stress herself out over the oral reports.

Doing another breast health awareness fundraiser towards the end of October. Doing it solo this year as my partner is out on disability as a result of injuring herself massaging.  I do have someone who has offered to help should I have any couples massages, so am grateful. Hoping this fundraiser do just as well as last year and better.