Need for connection yet fear closeness

There are so many things I find fascinating in this life; however, the most fascinating to me is the human behavior.

What is it about humans that somehow need, want or desire connection with another human yet fear the closeness? How does one set aside their fears of past ‘baggage’ in order to move forward in their life?

I have a friend that lives around the east-coast of the United States. We have never ‘officially’ met face-to-face, but have been on-going email, chat buddies for a couple of years. Love this person’s sense of humor which has probably drawn us to one another. He divorced sometime last year, and now is single again. For most Americans this would be the opportunity to go wild—that’s if, of course, they didn’t go too wild during their marriage. Seems to be an all to often topic with American relationships----absolutely no respect or boundaries. Anyway, my friend comes from a Muslim Arab background, which to the average American standard would equate to ‘conservative’. How sad! Anyway, he’s now a single man living in America. Good luck, my friend!
The fun part about our friendship is we can each coach one another from a gender standpoint. It’s been rather fun giving him advice and assistance on what women want, need, like, don’t like, etc, and he the same for me from a man's standpoint. Of course, I’m no guru in this area nor can I speak on behalf of the entire female population, but I feel a good general overview is more helpful than not.

What I’ve learned and continue learning through life is the on-going difference in communication between men and women. For instance, women get together for an afternoon to drink tea and visit. We can talk about the tea itself for a good period of time (i.e., the type we like, the type we don’t like, what others have tried, which ones we want to try, etc. the list is endless). However, if men were to gather for an afternoon of tea and conversation their conversation regarding the tea at best might be acknowledging the tea is good.......PERIOD! So, is it any wonder we (the two genders) struggle to get along, yet somehow through this cyber-space world we live in, we manage just fine. Why is that?

My friend and I can spend hours chatting about just about anything, AND both seem to be enjoying the conversation and time. However, I wonder if things would differ if we were face-to-face with one another. Would one get on the others nerves? Would he hear from me, "blah, blah, blah", and would I hear from him "silence"?

Comments welcomed.

Mere presence of someone

It's a beautiful sunny Sunday morning, and my daughter awakes thrilled because today she gets to put on her "fancy" dress and go see the Easter Bunny. She is thrilled beyond belief. I explained we were going to the gym first, then return home to get ready to go see the Easter Bunny. She squeals, "ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok", while jumping up and down.

We return from the gym and get ready for our big outing to see the Mall Easter Bunny........she's 3 1/2, so to her she doesn't really understand what the Easter Bunny is all about, she just knows the bunny makes her laugh.

We get to the mall and I am pleasantly surprised to see how empty it is. Moreover, the line to the “Easter Bunny” is really short. There is only one kid in front of us, and my daughter’s energy level is so high I feel we could fly at this moment. It’s the most incredible feeling of energy. That pure, untainted flow of excitement, mashallah.

The kid in front of us now goes and sits on the bunny’s lap for his photo and we are next up. My daughter is nearly levitating at this moment because she’s so light with excitement. Now this is where the title of this blog comes in. How is it that the mere presence of another human being can either make you feel so good or so bad without the utterance of a word?

Of course as an adult we are rather jaded by life’s experiences and therefore are sometimes quick to judge a situation or a person, but children seem to be a little more tolerant. However, if I’ve learned anything about my daughter it’s that she seems to be a beacon for delivering accurate non-verbal messages about others. As I’m writing this now, I’m realizing that perhaps as adults we tend to teach our children over time to not think or act a certain way, when in reality their pureness allows them to be truth-tellers. And because we are taught growing up that we must mind our manners and always be respectful (which I don’t disagree with), but we are also taught to be tolerant of adults and their behaviors to the point that the children tend to hide their innocence…..perhaps as a way of survival in this world.

I know, I know, I’m getting really sidetracked here. Anyway, there’s an employee working at the bunny palace, and he comes over to us but hasn’t even uttered a word yet and immediately I see this expression wash over my daughter’s face. It’s as if she’d landed from this wonderful flying experience of excitement due to bad weather. This man was seemingly excited about his job and entertaining the kids to get the ‘perfect’ picture, but on the other hand there seemed to be something very disturbing about him. Perhaps it was my cynical side rearing its ugly head, but on the other hand my daughter’s non-verbal expressions were mirroring my own thoughts. Could it be that she picked up on my thoughts? Or were they truly hers as well? How is it that someone’s presence can either make you feel good or make you feel bad all within an instance? This I’m curious to learn from others.

So begins.......

So begins yet another journey in one's life................blogging!

Does one ever wonder what causes us to feel the need to post our experiences, ideas, opinions, thoughts and more importantly make ourselves vulnerable to others?

Perhaps in some ways it's a safe place, as you can still feel somewhat in control of yourself. For wouldn't you agree, it's much more difficult to reveal your true self in the presence of another, and yet 'here' we can virtually let it all hangout.

This would lead me to believe what I've always suspected......... No matter what happens in one's life, we all still want to somehow be connected to other humans.

Wishing all a great day.