Wanted

I am in need of a wife. A wife who will assume all duties of the household, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and managing the finances, etc., as I seem to be failing miserably.

I am in the preparation phase for Amira’s birthday party, which is tomorrow. For some stupid reason we’ve taken a simple intimate celebration of being with family and eating some cake to an all time high. Now we must serve a meal, serve desert, and provide the little kiddies that come to the party with gifts to go home with. WTH! (What the Hell) Apparently it’s no longer politically correct to just allow the birthday child to have their own day and have gifts alone, nooooooooooo we have to make everyone feel special, so we have to give them all gifts too. UGH!

I’ve made it a point to not give Amira sugar since she was born. My reasoning behind that was as an adult she has her whole life to fill herself with countless supplies of sugary things, but as a child I thought it would be important to instill healthy eating habits by consuming fruits and vegetables. To some critics they feel I’m some how abusing my child because I won’t let her drink sugary sodas, eat candies, cookies, and cakes, etc. In fact, I was reprimanded for not giving her cake and ice cream on her first birthday. I gave her a beautiful glass filled with raspberries and a candle for her to blow out. On her second birthday I gave her a goblet filled with strawberries and a candle for her to blow out. Getting tired of the harassment I decided last year to make a sugar-free cake for her, which I did and it turned out really nice. My girlfriend, Mindy, being an excellent cake decorator decorated her cake and made it look like a Princess. It was adorable. So, this year I decided to make another cake for her. This one is a sugar-free cake with sugar-free cherry vanilla ice cream on the inside of the cake. Mindy and I have been working on this cake for two days now. One day to make it, fill it with the ice cream, and then back in the freezer to set up. Yesterday went back to Mindy’s to decorate it. We are frosting the cake with cream cheese, and our own flavoring. We decided in the mist of decorating it last night to weigh it because it’s seemed really heavy. We employed Mindy’s daughter, Cody, to step on the scale for the weighing because there was no way in hell Mindy and I were getting on the scale. Cody stood on the scale and weighed her self, then stepped on it again with the cake, ran for the calculator and came up with the cake weighing 11 lbs. (5 kilos). We were literally shocked. We laughed so hard and could not believe it, and we weren’t even finished decorating it. We still have to put the fresh raspberries, crown, and candles on the darn thing, so it will probably be even more.

Anyway, I decided that since my Hunting and Gathering skills (masculine qualities) seem to over dominate my domestic skills (presumably feminine qualities), leaving me feeling at odds with myself, and since I’ve not been successful in landing a husband yet, that perhaps I’d be better off trying to land a wife. :-)