Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Feel Terrible

Oh my goodness, I just got some news that's going to change my life as I know it, and I'm scared.

I just received a call from one of my bosses and I was adviced that I'm being let go from my position due to the economical market.

With having my own business, and it's a little unusual how it works, but regardless, I've been so blessed to have the people I've had around me to work for as it's allowed me to concentrate on raising Amira as a single mom. Receiving the news that I did today, advising me that my position will be done away with by the end of December, forces me to have to re-evaluate my life's strategies. Again, I've been so blessed to have all this time with Amira.....now there's a part of me that feels I need to go get one of those corporate jobs just so I can continue providing for us. If I do, this will ultimately take away the flexibility to take care of Amira if she's sick or anything like that.

It's never a good day to get a call like this because your ego immediately places you in the seat of "OH GOD----NOW WHAT DO I DO? PANIC? YEA, THAT WILL WORK----I'LL PANIC".

All I can do is cry, then fall to my knees and pray. Some how some way, Allah always opens a way-----I just have to find it, but until then my human side is screaming "what the hell am I going to do?"

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for such news. But as you said God always opens a way. I had many similar experiences, I always try to be positive and believe that good things will come out of what we thought was a bad thing. God will reward you for keeping your trust in him. Keep the energy and the positive attitude!!
My thoughts are with you and my prayers for you.
A freind you don't know

Anonymous said...

I've been so blessed to have all this time with Amira..

Both of you are fortunate to have each other and spend time together.

Now you start a new Journey of Life. You remind me of Diane Keaton in Baby Boom

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Boom_%28film%29

Things will turn well for you, just believe in yourself.

Something Corporate- Konstantine Live

youtube.com/watch?v=T9Fv7bqw9e4


I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
and I don't understand all the things you've seen
but I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams
It's always you
In my big dreams
And you tell me that its over
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
and your restless
and im naked
you gotta get out
you cant stand to see me shakin
no
could u let me go?
i didnt think so
and youi dont wanna be here in the future
so you say the presants just a pleasant interuption to the past
and you dont wanna look much closer
cause ur afriad to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had
crashed
and it did
because of me

and then you bring me home
afraid to find out that your alone oh
and im sleeping in your living room
but we dont have much room to live

and i had these dreams in them i learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country
become a rock star
and there was hope in me that I could take you there
but damnit you're so young
well i dont think i care
and if i hurt you
then im sorry
please dont think that this was easy

and then you bring me home
cause we both know what its like to be alone oh
and im dreaming in your living room
but we dont have much room to live

and konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesnt she look good
standing in her underware
and i was thinking
what i was thinkin
we've been drinkin and it doesnt get me anywhere
my konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that i could do was touch her long blond hair
and ive been thinkin
but it hurts me thinking
that these nights when we were drinking
no they never got us anywhere
no

this is because i can spell confusion with a 'K'
and i can like it
its to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
its to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
im not your star
isnt that what you said
what you thought this song meant

and if this is what it takes
just to lye with my mistakes
and live with what i did to you
all the hell i put you through
i always catch the clock
its 11:11
now you wanna talk
its not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine
my konstantine
they'll never hurt you like i do
no they'll never hurt you like i do
no,no,no, no, no, no, no, no

this is to a girl
who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
ya know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl
who got into my head
with all these fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby you could keep me up in bed
my konstanine

you spin around me like a dream
we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did u know i missed you(x7)
i miss you

and then you bring me home
and we go to sleep
but this time not alone
and i know
and you'll kiss me in your living room
i know
i know you miss me in your living room
cuz these nights i think
maybe that i miss you in my licing room
but we dont have much room
i said does anybody need that room
because we all need a little more room
to live

my konstantine...


MusicLover


Talk to friends, family, go for a walk and think about your life.

Watch Mad Hot Ballroom with your daughter. Both of you will love it, both of you will have a blast.

http://www.paramountvantage.com/madhot/

saroto said...

salam ibee
sorry to hear this news
plz dont give up , we all pray for u
salam

Anglo-Libyan said...

salam dear ibeebarbie
I am so sorry and know exactly how you feel as I have been through it before and I am a parent too.

what you said here is all you need at this difficult time:
Some how some way, Allah always opens a way-----

May Allah help you and inshaAllah you find a better job very soon and hopefully the future will be better for you and dear Amira.

libyan. said...

The best thing that you can do now, is sit down and calm your self down to be able to think what you can do, make a list of choices and look for jobs that you think that they will help you to be able to take care of your doughter like before.
At the same time look for a good place to take care of her if you didn't find that flexible job, keep every window open until the last moment.

Anonymous said...

What you need is a good laugh

http://youtube.com/watch?v=P9_mED99cdk&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LLhUKTxe6ck

Imagine you are playing Tetris with Amira

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FmTWBoQ-jc&feature=related

http://www.mikontalolights.fi/en/


MusicLover

Mixed Up Me said...

I realize there isn't much I can do to make your situation better, though I wish there was, but I am here if you need someone to listen . . . Thinking about you and praying for you. I'll talk to you soon.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I forgot the Slide Show

http://www.flickr.com/
photos/stanestane/sets/72157603377160031/

MusicLover

a_akak said...

We are all praying for you and may allah help and guide you to what is best for you and Amira

I have read a lot about the US market and it seems that is is not doing well, but insha allah things will work themselves out soon

We are praying for you

Fe Aman Allah

ibeebarbie said...

Dear Anonymous-my friend I don't know,
Thank you ever so kindly. Your words touched me deeply.

Salam MusicLover,
Thank you. You know we go through what I consider 'scary-ass rides' throughout our lives---challenges, struggles, hardship, new adventures, etc. I think anytime calls us to do something in an act of unconditional faith--it's a
scary-ass ride' because we are having to trust---and that in itself is scary. Anyway, for the first time that I can ever remeber I'm EXCITED about this scary-ass ride.

Salam Adnan,
Thank you dear one-I appreciate your prayers and support.

Salam Anglo-Libyan,
Thank you for understanding and for your support and prayers-I greatly appreciate it.

Salam Libyan,
Thank you. Fortunately, there will be another door/window or something that will open as I believe when Allah closes one it's because he has another prepared for us. I just have to find it, inshallah.

Hi Mixed UP Me,
Thank you. Our prayers for one another are definitely being heard.

Salam Ahmed,
Thank you. All glory belongs to Allah, and I know He will bestow all his love and graciousness upon us, alhamdullilah. Who could ever ask for anything more than His precious mercy, grace and love. Can you tell I'm feeling optimistic at the moment---changes from moment to moment during the newness of this recent change. :-) Yes the economic market in the U.S. is shifting drastically, but in spite of the negative look of it all, I'm actually excited about it because I think what it's causes is a huge shift for us to go back to the basics. The simple things in life, in order to free us to live life. Not to be slaves to the world, but free to worship and do what we were truly called to do here.

dusk till dawn said...

salam ibee

realy sorry to hear this sad news, its not in the right time specialy Amira looking forward into Xmas, and all spirit is high,
just have faith, one door is shut another one will be opened for u inshallah.u got amira to cheer u up wt a smile and us thinking of u, pls do not be upset be positive

PH said...

Well I'm sad to hear your not feeling well, but don't you think you're being a bit melodramatic ? I mean like you said the market has been slow for a while now and you made a post about it previously so you really should have taken it into account and you should have been prepared by now.
We have an Arabic saying that translates to the effect :

"expect good things and they will happen"

Its a call for optimism, as nothing in life is all good or all bad there is always an upside and a downside to everything so you should focus on the upside; that they gave you until after Christmas, that they put laying you off for so long, that your family is around to help and support you and that you have friends for advice and moral support to make reality easier to accept :D.
As for Amira, she is a big girl now and after a while she'll want to hang out with her own friends without you. So to an extent maybe it is good for her to start to learn to rely on herself and be independent.
Finally don't worry it usually get very rough before becoming easy and after a while all this will be just a memory.
Oh and sorry for being so harsh but I really have to snap you out this depression thing even if its by making you angry at me :P, I was expecting you to be tougher .

salaam ;)

Anonymous said...

Reminder:
Do not forget your camera and tons of batteries & flash memory cards :-) for Amira Dance

youtube.com/watch?v=P1PQaiddTL8
youtube.com/watch?v=Sp0ccQVy1og

You mentioned you liked Classic Music

Joshua Bell 1/5
youtube.com/watch?v=FNt6cYOCYs4

Yo Yo Ma
youtube.com/watch?v=VSyl-XtjMVQ
youtube.com/watch?v=CwQ4D1zDEWU&
feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=_tMgVMxG95A
youtube.com/watch?v=n4vpqjQ8Cuo
youtube.com/watch?v=QdMeO6U-1LY
youtube.com/watch?v=PChkxDbFuUw

Lang Lang Gone Mad
youtube.com/watch?v=b85hn8rJvgw&
feature=related

Yundi Li - Chopin "Fantasie" Impromptu, Op. 66
youtube.com/watch?v=tvm2ZsRv3C8


Never get tired of listening to classic music. Enjoy


MusicLover

ibeebarbie said...

Salam Dusk Till Dawn,
You are absolutely right. For us as humans, change never seems to be a good time unless we are the one initiating the change. :-) However, the good news is when it's God's time for change it's always for our betterment.

Salam PH,
WOW! WOW! I'm actually speechless at your approach, but love you nonetheless. Believe me my friend, I'm more thankful than perhaps I may have come across. Perhaps I should have waited longer than two nano seconds to post that blog because literally I had just hung up the phone with receiving that news and I needed to realize what I was feeling at the moment. However, regardless of any situation (be it good or bad) I'm thankful to God no matter what.

Benghazi Citizen said...

Believe me we all pray for u ...hope all will be fine soon...may Allah bless u and ur amira....MAy every thing be just fine for u all
my best regards ,wishes and prayers