Winners and Whiners

The other day one of my co-workers had a book sitting on the desk next to them. The title alone caught my attention, thus causing me to pick it up and further inquire. Of course, I needed to borrow this little ditty because the cover was not enough to satisfied my need to read more.

Here's the title and description on the back cover.

The Top 10 Distinctions between Winners and Whiners

10. Winners take responsibility.
Whiners play the victim.

9. Winners can have what they want.
Whiners want what they cannot have.

8. Winners find a way.
Whiners find an excuse.

7. Winners brighten a room by entering.
Whiners brighten a room by leaving.

6. Winners listen twice as much as they talk.
Whiners talk twice as much as they listen.

5. Winners enjoy life's journey.
Whiners put their joy in the destinations.

4. Winners build friendships.
Whiners destroy friendships.

3. Winners think big.
Whiners think small.

2. Winners are focus-minded.
Whiners are scatterbrained.

1. Winners create positive meanings.
Whiners create negative meanings.

Coexist

The word coexist in of itself sounds so lovely and wonderful and yet seems to be one of the most difficult things for us humans to accomplish on this planet. Why is that?

I've heard and read so many things indicating how different the east and the west are from one another, yet I never seem to see any definitives on this subject matter….more vague than concrete. Moreover, it seems whenever there is an expounding on this subject matter its more about the differences rather than the similarities. I wonder, just wonder, if we discussed and shared our similarities if we wouldn’t discover how much we are alike rather than not.

Part of the equation that seems to be so finely intertwined and at times difficult to tell the difference is cultural upbringing and religious teachings, and I think this causes confusion.

For the sake of discussion, please share what you feel are the similarities based on your experience or knowledge between the east and the west.

Latest Read

My latest read is called, A Portrait of Egypt by Mary Anne Weaver.

Synopses & Reviews
Publisher Comments:
For centuries Egypt has been a citadel of Islamic learning and thought, and since the signing of the Egyptian-Israeli Peace Treaty in 1979, it has been of immense strategic importance to American interests in the Middle East. But Egypt is also a country in crisis, torn between the old and the new, between unsettled religious revival and secular politics. President Hosni Mubarak favors a secular society. But Mubarak's government faces constant conflict with militant clerics such as Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman. In A Portrait of Egypt, Mary Anne Weaver argues that an Islamist victory in Egypt is almost inevitable, and, unlike that of Shi'ite Iran, its impact on the Islamic world will be truly profound.

Based on exclusive interviews with militants and front men, generals and presidents, A Portrait of Egypt is essential reading for anyone trying to understand the far-reaching consequences of the growing impact of Islamist politics and policies on the West.

Because the book is based mostly of a political nature with extreme viewpoints I’m having difficulty in reading it very quickly. I actually purchased this book 5 years ago, started it but couldn’t get into it, so put it away. After completely my last book and not having anything else to read I opted to give this one a try again. I’m more than half way through it and have mixed thoughts.

On the one hand it has recent historical information, which is rather fascinating, but on the other hand I’m perplexed by the actions or thought processes of either extremely intelligent or charismatic human beings. Certainly Islamist Militants, charismatic Sheikhs, religious leaders, corrupt government officials and other extreme leaders in any role of power have been around forever, but I’m curious to know what exactly causes these extremely bright people to become so narrow-minded in their beliefs that causes them to act so radical.

For throughout history we have so many examples of such intelligent people causing such heinous harm to their fellow human brethrens that to an average Joe as myself it is absolutely unimaginable. Yet, our history books or elders around us can recount the days gone by with all sorts of tails of extremism. We are currently living in times that are no different from that of our past with regards to extremism. Moreover, no matter what is accomplished in today’s world, extremism will be recorded in our future history archives as well. So, what is the root of such actions?

Again, if we look back not long ago at a collection of just random individuals such as Adolf Hilter, Joseph Stalin, David Koresh, Jim Jones, Saddam Hussein, and Heidi Fleiss – Hollywood Madam,
it would seem that “statistically” 4 out of the 6 of these people have had abusive childhood backgrounds. Is an abusive childhood enough to create such disturbing individuals? Moreover, is this enough to create such influential individuals to reek such havoc on the masses? Ok, so Heidi Fleiss never killed anyone, however, the fact remains she is on a very small scale a charismatic person that has a clever mind. Certainly Heidi wasn't the first madam, as prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, but the fact remains she was/is a very successful "business woman" and has had an effect on a number of people from all walks of life. I am also curious as to why it’s the male species that exudes these extreme qualities more so than women. Unfortunately, I am not able to think of any women that have done such atrocities to society, so if anyone cares to share such information I would greatly appreciate it.

Of course an obvious statement would be to say, “if only these individuals used their intellect, talents and skills for the betterment of the world rather than the destruction of human life, we’d be better off”. However, I have to wonder if each and every one of these few I mentioned thought exactly that statement? I wonder if in their minds somehow they thought they were making a positive impact or difference in the world to make it a better place to live?

Nonetheless I hope to finish this book, although it is of a dark nature so have a difficult time reading such things. On the other hand I have an admiration for the woman that interviewed so many influential people in order to write this book. She certainly an audacious woman in my book.

Pooh's Vacation

Well what an incredible few days we’ve had with our cousins, Blake (a.k.a. Pooh) and Pat.

The entire family, which isn’t very big, all gathered at the airport last Wednesday night to meet and greet them. Gathered there luggage and off we went to a little diner to have coffee, tea and dessert.

Thursday my parents took them to Lake Tahoe to spend the day in nature and enjoying the spectacular view of the lake.

Prior to my cousins arriving I was asked for input on things we could do while they were here. Knowing most…..well ok not most, ME, is on a fixed income and yet still wanting something fun to do I found out about these free concerts in a beautiful park in the downtown area. Moreover, knowing my cousin was formerly in a band and played the drums, I thought he and his wife would really enjoy such an event.

Friday with work and preparing to get together with the family afterwards was a little crazy, but we survived it. Family gathered at my house to head to the concert (Held every Friday night from May until August). The performers are local area bands. The night before Tesla was playing but we didn’t find out about it until it was too late. Anyway, we packed our ice chest, our blankets, jackets, chairs, etc. (looked like a group of rednecks gathering) and headed to the park. We got there relatively early so were able to mark off a territory in the grass that allowed us a great view of the crowd, located well enough away from the speakers, under beautiful trees and most importantly created a barricade that just encircled our group.

However, this event was extremely short lived because one of the family members made such a big fuss over the event that we had to load all of our stuff and leave before things really got started. My poor cousins were so disappointed because they didn’t understand why we had to leave; they were having a good time. They were enjoying the little bit of music they heard, they were enjoying the great outdoors, and were enjoying watching the people, but were overruled.

(By the way - this is the bottomside of a Muffin Top)

So, another family member, a little baffled by this situation, suggested that maybe we should go to another park and hang out there, which we did. Anthony (my nephew) and Amira had a fun time playing on the equipment.

Saturday morning we got up early as we had to meet my cousin and brother at the Mall because it was Pat’s (Pooh’s wife) birthday and we were also celebrating Anthony’s 11th birthday later that day. Around 1:00 p.m. we all gathered at a bowling alley where they were holding Anthony’s birthday party with 15 of his closest friends. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK! They were allowed to bowl for an hour, then went into this party room where they had pizza, soda, candy, ice cream and cake. Can you just imagine the over stimulated energy in that room of 14 boys and 1 girl? Oh my Gawd! I had to take shifts going in and out of there because it was too much. However, my poor sister-in-law was pretty much left to handle everything on her own, so we had to jump in and offer whatever kind of help we could to her. Poor thing! She’s an amazing woman. Will definitely have to blog about her later and her incredible story.

Later Saturday afternoon we all went back to my parent’s house to have a bbq and celebrate Pat’s birthday.

My brother had bought Anthony paintball guns so when they go camping over the summer they can have paintball wars. Must be a guy thing because I certainly don’t understand it. =) My brother, his friend and my cousin decided they needed to test the guns out in my parents pasture to make sure they worked properly.

However, I felt bad for Anthony because I got him a huge box of paintballs as his birthday present and he never got to use them because the 'guys' burned them up. :-(

We had a lovely evening with good food and good company. Dad started the fire pit they have and we all gathered around it after sunset and just visited for hours. Great fun!

Sunday morning came quickly, but we were on a mission now to take my cousins to San Francisco for the day. We drove to a town called Vallejo and caught a ferry that takes you right to the Fisherman’s Wharf on the San Francisco bay. It’s about an hour or so boat ride and it is most pleasant. It’s certainly the way to travel into the city. You don’t have to fight traffic, pay for parking, or end up going down the wrong one-way street. We meandered around the Pier 39 area, had lunch, and watched the sea lions. Talk about loud----oh my goodness. Although really cute, they are loud and obnoxious. We walked up to the cable car and road it from the Wharf area down to Union Station where they turned the car around. We jumped back own and road it through a different tracked area, which allowed us to see some of the major highlights of the city in a really short period of time. However, since the boat to return to Vallejo was coming at 4:00 p.m. we were quickly running out of time, which meant not a whole lot of sight seeing or gift shopping for the cousins……felt bad for them because no one asked them what they wanted to do. Well, I did, but was over-rode by others. My cousins kept saying, "Wow, this seems to be happening so fast and we’re not getting to see much. Why can’t we just stop and look?" I told them I didn’t know, but that if they decided to return to California to call me secretly and I’d meet them and do whatever they want to do. =)

On the way back to the boat, I discovered my camera was broken hence the reason you won’t see anymore vacation pictures. I was so bummed, but things like that happen. Hopefully have it up and running again soon, inshallah.

Monday back to work or maybe I should say back to catching up on our sleep…..LOL After Amira and I finished working we went back up to my parents house for a final dinner with my cousins as they are leaving. It’s always so sad to say goodbye to family/friends/loved ones because you never truly know when you will see each other again. However, we are so blessed with wonderful memories from their vacation, alhamdullilah.

Work-out or Pick-up

This morning Amira (daughter) and I decided to head off to the gym. She loves the gym because they have a huge play area for kids her age that includes kid-proof gym toys, video games, along with a movie playing and a multitude of other toys for them to play with.

I love going to the gym because it’s a great stress releaser and well quite honestly, I love watching people. If one ever wants to discover the insecurities of other humans go to the gym. Of course not all are insecure, but the one’s that are truly insecure or are ruled by their egos standout as quite a form of entertainment. I know you all know the ones I’m referring too.

Like the guy who’s chest is the size of a big-rig truck and legs that look like a chicken.

The ladies that come fully showered, with hair done perfectly, makeup flawless, and clothes matching impeccably, as if heading off to work or maybe even a nightclub.

Humans are definitely the most fun free entertainment I can often experience. :-)

Affirmations

I heard an affirmation today that just caused me to stop and think for a minute. The show I was listening to today had to do with those around us that annoying, irritating, frustrating or trying to hurt us. For often times our egos see our own annoyance, irritants, frustrations, and etc., reflecting in others rather than acknowledging it within ourselves, thus causing the reaction we feel inside when others makes us mad. This does not mean some people aren’t just nasty people within their own rights, but when we are deeply angered, irritated or moved in such a fashion due to another’s, I wonder what part of ourselves we see in them.

Here’s the affirmation:
I’m willing to release that part of me that irritates me when I think of you.

Here are a couple others that I’ve either heard or created:

When we are pointing a finger at another, we are actually pointing three fingers back at ourselves.

Taking accountability for one’s actions reduces or eliminates inner turmoil.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Live life, be accountable, and dance as if no one is watching.

I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and to not pet the sweaty things.

I’d be curious to know some of your affirmations, if any.

Purification for Civilization

Reflecting back upon the week it would appear last weekend’s tranquility was the calm before the storm. For since the beginning of this week, I’ve been presented with one situation or another either through other individuals or writings that replicate the lack of moral fiber in the male character. This is not a blog of male bashing, but rather a means to understand, process the events, and perhaps gain inside from God on the matter, inshallah.

Certainly the events of this week that have unfolded have been one of a personal nature to me, which has been mirrored through other people’s lives. In an attempt to spare too many agonizing details, I will try to stick to the point or points I wish to reflect on most.

In one of my professions, I work for a divorce mediator who assists individuals who choose to dissolve their marriage in a dignified fashion. Certainly we do not advocate divorce, as we believe in the unity and sanctity of marriage to the highest degree. However, we live in a society where divorce is very high. We assist those that have made the decision prior to coming to us to dissolve their marriage without having to go to court. Anyway, getting sidetracked here, we have a couple that has recently come to us for the assistance of filing the legal documentation for divorce, and at their last meeting it was discussed how much money would be provided to wife for their 3 children (one of which is Autistic). Wife currently lives in the family home, which apparently at some point was sold to father-in-law and payments have been made to him for said mortgage. After their last appointment, I told my boss that I believed we’d be receiving a call soon from the wife indicating she and their 3 children would be evicted from their home. My boss did not believe this to be true. On Monday this week I received a call from the wife crying because her father-in-law approached her on Easter wondering if she had a place for her and the kids to go because the husband (father-in-law’s son) had not been making the mortgage payments to him. (Side bar – this issue is being dealt with, of which I’m not able to discuss any further at this time.) I was outraged, of course, I realize now due to my own personal life’s story the lack of moral fiber in this man. Of course, there are so many details I’m not able to share with you that it would probably appear as if, again, this was a male-bashing blog, which it is not.

This woman’s story reopened some extremely painful wounds within my own heart that I thought for certain had been healed by the grace and power of Allah (swt). Not to say that these deep-seated wounds had not been cleaned and healed by Allah, but rather I perhaps did not know the extent of their depth for they are surfacing again. Perhaps at this point when the pain is being dredged up it, is Allah telling us it’s time for us to go deeper in the wound and clean some more. For I do believe as so much has either been said or written that God never puts you through more than we can handle, which has always been the case for in my life, alhamdullilah. It’s just while going through those refinement periods you wonder how strong you really are to survive the curing process.

As I’ve read for so many years and most recently (in part, as I’m not completely done reading yet) a message posted by Sands of Time (Mani) regarding the Virtues of the Feminine, the core of a woman is her heart. For it is the source of our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love. This “wellspring of life” (heart) within us is the very essence of our existence, the center of our being. As a woman the most important thing about us is our heart. For hypothesis sake could it be that God created us to a certain degree to reflect a part of Himself? Could it be that as a woman we bear a resemblance of God’s love through our social skills, gathering nature, nurturing ability, etc. with the reflection of our heart? Could it be that as a man, he bears a resemblance of God’s strength through is his “hunting” skills (provider), adventurous spirits, and the desire to be a knight in shining armour for the sake of protecting the woman’s heart? If these two statements are true, even in part, would it not stand to reason we should see more of this behavior exuded in today’s world?

I have many women friends around me that bear the resemblance of the woman I described in the previous paragraph that exude the image of this heart. We all desire to be in loving, nurturing, supportive relationships, yet the ‘pickings’ seem to be extremely slim on finding a partner that demonstrates the qualities previously mentioned above. Why is that?

My girlfriend and I were just talking on this matter earlier this week, and in an attempt to try to show me there are good men out there in this world that are worthy of our trust, she named five. Of course, my sarcastic nature came out and said “wow, you can name them all on one hand, how sad is that?” I said, “if we used those same measures of moral fiber standards and characteristic traits that we just described for men to count how many women we knew with those same qualities, we would run out of fingers and toes in counting them”. Yes, perhaps a little tainted because of my mood at the time; however, the fact remains that there seems to be a declining value in our male counterparts. I have to wonder, what part as women have we played in the creations of dwindling males with good moral fiber in our society?

Time and time again, I’m seeing the woman’s heart exposed, violated, and ultimately abandoned (a woman’s worse fear) which leaves her wounded and scarred for a very long time. What has changed so drastically that a man no longer desires to defend, shield or safeguard a woman’s heart? It is a fear of failure? Is that man’s worse fear---failing?

How, if possible, can the roles be changed, corrected or re-directed in order for a woman to be a woman who is her heart, and for a man to be a man by virtue of his protecting strength? This certainly pertains to both male and females, as it is not exclusively a male issue to fix. It’s a communal part of both in order to unite and support each other’s strengths rather than demoralize each into a shameful shamble for the sake of making the other feel better about them self.